So here’s one of the reasons why we decided to fit our own kitchen.
This is the first time we’ve ever tried to get a kitchen fitted and yet, when it comes to dealing with sales people we feel like we’re old hands. You see, kitchen sales people all share the same script. To us it seems that it all started with Everest, the double glazing outfit, but that’s just because they’re the best exponents of the genre. In fact the first time I ever came across the technique was from Anglian, another company that sells double glazing.
The script is as follows:
- You’re told what a lovely home you have (this isÂ to warm you up for a later point)
- They take your basic requirements.
- They try to persuade you that your basic requirements are wrong and that these are the requirements you should have.
- After much sleight of hand and apparent workings out on a piece of paper you’re handed a quote for (say) £29,000. Cue shocked expression on your face.
- They then tell you that, for no specific reason, they can give you a discount of up to 40%, bringing the price down to £17,400.
- They look into your eyes to see whether there’s any flicker of relief at this “discounted” price. If you weaken for a milisecond they pounce and try to seal the deal.
- You don’t, so they reprise the “you have a lovely home” theory from point 1. This mutates into “Your home is an ideal show home” whereby they can give you an additional 30% off if you agree to a sign in your front garden. Show the salesperson the door immediately if they tell you that you qualify because you’re on a corner or are close to a school, church or gym. The woman from Anglian nearly wet herself with excitement when I told her that I lived as close as a mile from the nearest church and a mere mile and half from the closest gym.
- You still don’t bite, so they place a call to a mystery manager. The idea is that you’re supposed to witness them “negotiating” on your behalf, pleading that your case is special in some way. We like leaving them to it, watching them having an imaginary conversation from the other end of the flat.
- The call ends with “He wants to speak to you”. The “manager” explains to you that the only reason they can offer such a good price is because they have a special promotion on that ends “today”. What an amazing coincidence!
- The sales person presents you with a form to sign in two places as if you’ve already agreed. When you refuse, they explain that the first signature is just to say that you agree that they paid you a visit and that you “have” to sign. You don’t, but I did have one saleswoman implying a threat of legal action when I refused.
We always tell them them not to waste our time with these tactics, they always say that they don’t and then they always do.
Oddly enough we did get our secondary glazing from Everest, but we had an absolute rarity. A double glazing salesman with integrity who just told us the best price he could give us without any of the BS. Ray told Everest that we’d had bad experiences in the past an they sent along this guy. I knew we’d get along when he told as he used to be an A&R man who hated the record industry as much as he now hated the double glazing industry. He’s left Everest now, but I will gladly supply his contact details and a glowing reference to anybody who’s sick of robots.